Things All Baby Boomers Think Are Cool

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Baby Boomers

There are things that baby boomers seem to think were, are, or will be cool. Unfortunately, we have some news we have to break to them, those things have never been cool and they never will be. Now that the bandaid’s off move on and find some better interests.

It’s hard to accept for some people and they might be furious, which is okay. We’re going to let the baby boomers have the big things but they definitely won’t get a pass on the little things that they still like today.

Cursive

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The only good thing about cursive is its pleasing aesthetic, other than that it’s hopeless. It’s a pain to learn and is slower than normal writing. It may have had its place centuries ago but in the modern-day just let it go.

Maybe break it out every once in a while when you really need a birthday card to look nice. But don’t think you’ll be sending anyone any letters in cursive. With emails, it’s entirely redundant, and no we don’t want cursive to die out, we just want it to be less overrated by every baby boomer that buys an expensive pretentious fountain pen – you know who you are.

China

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China crockery is a big one. Imagine buying some expensive plates so you can impress your friends, but then you never even use the things! We understand maybe it’s a little sad dining alone with expensive china but never using them at all is even worse.

More often than not you’ll forget you ever had the expensive china until one day when you’re moving a heavy box and hear something break. Yup, that’s right, you just broke your china. Still, you were never going to use it anyway.

24-Hours News Networks

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If you want to go and spread fake news rather do it at 24-hour news networks. Don’t go to professional news outlets or in fact maybe don’t go screaming it at all. Have you ever thought of that?

Let’s be honest, there’s only a tiny amount of newsworthy things that happen in a day and the majority of things that news networks churn out are a reach at best.  Now imagine having 24 hours of news, there’s not a chance the world is that interesting!

Diamonds

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You’ve heard the term “diamonds are a girl’s best friend.” When what they really are is ludicrously expensive rocks that are dug up by exploited people where their bosses make all of the profits.

A cheaper and less morally grey option is cubic zirconia. It even comes in a variety of colors! Just don’t think you can wear it without a little ribbing from your colleges.

Patterned Wallpaper

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Patterned wallpaper is a horror that many rooms have to endure. It’s almost always tacky and there’s just too much going on to really look good at all. Why not just use a solid color for your wall?

And the hassle that comes with it is something to behold! Trying to stick it to the wall and make sure it’s smooth is a nightmare. Just don’t do it, please!

Unpaid Internships

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Isn’t it fun when you get an internship and turns out it’s unpaid? Baby boomers may justify it as you getting crucial experience instead. Well, that’s nice and all but it won’t pay my rent now will it?

If you still believe in unpaid internships I have no problem with you, it’s your opinion after all. In fact, why don’t you go out and get one right now?

Crocs

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Crocs were actually originally boat shoes. Their conception was in 2002 and unfortunately, it was more than just avid “boaters” that started wearing them. They spread like wildfire all through America.

We’ll admit that they are convenient. They look easy to put on, they look pretty comfy. But there’s one thing that tears down any possibility of them ever being a good shoe – they look terrible!

Blaming Millennials

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They call them “snowflakes” or something similar since that apparently can’t take a joke when you say something bad enough to make them almost cry. Maybe they disagreed with your way of thinking, does that mean you should blame them?

Keep it up though, don’t ever blame yourself, you can’t ever be the problem, right? It’s those millennials up to no good again!

Home Shopping Channels

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Home shopping networks are the worst! They try to disguise themselves but anyone who falls for them doesn’t have my sympathy. They’re all just a sham that tries to get you to buy junk you have no use for.

In the modern day if you want something useless there are so many more options to obtaining it rather than the TV. Don’t be naive, just turn off the shopping networks and you’ll be okay.

High-Waisted Jeans

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So you like the look of high-waisted jeans? They’re cute and making a comeback? No thank you! The rest of the world would prefer the “current” style and fashion choices.

The problem even when they were conceived, is that high-waisted jeans can’t flatter anyone unless they’re unhealthily skinny.

Writing Checks

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You are literally just holding up the line when you write these out in store. It’s so much easier to carry one little card instead of a fat stack of checks.

And bonus points for those obnoxious personalized checks. Nothing says class like paying for your colonoscopy with a check that’s plastered with puppies and kittens.

Landlines

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You know, those phones with jacks that were plugged into the wall. Yeah, you can get landlines basically for free at this point, but what’s the point?

Just get a cell phone and stick with it. We promise you’ll be fine without them.

Fossil Fuels

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Oh yeah, researching and implementing green, sustainable energy is such a waste. Why not just irreparably destroy the ozone while we fight wars over oil?

Plus, wind energy gives birds cancer, so of course, we can’t do that.

The Mall

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Malls are just kind of…anxiety inducing. Why bother going out when you can buy or return everything online and have it delivered right to your doorstep? It’s easier.

Plus, have you ever seen the miserable looks of husbands who don’t want to be there? We’d rather our shopping not be ruined by grouchy moods.

Khaki Capri Pants

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These aren’t flattering. Please let this die.

Capris are pushing it as it is, but when you throw khaki into the mix–it’s truly a travesty.

Denim Everything

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Denim is great, don’t get us wrong. But all great things come in moderation (however, Boomers typically don’t know much about that either).

We don’t care if you’re the great great grandson of Levi Strauss himself–a head-to-toe denim look is not nearly as stylish as you think it is.

Jell-O Everything

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Jell-O can be pretty great, but shoving Jell-O with ham, cheese, tuna, and anything else you can think of is downright disgusting.

We don’t know what was going on in the 70s that made people think everything needed to be suspended in gelatin, but it certainly does not. And it’s time we put this disgusting chapter behind us once and for all.

Encyclopedias

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No baby boomer home is complete without a set of encyclopedias that they probably got from door-to-door salespeople.

Ultimately, encyclopedias have become obsolete with the rise of Google and having them in your home makes it look dated and just takes up space.

Socks and Sandals

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Why Baby Boomers seem to think that tall white socks and sandals are a good fashion choice, we will never understand. In case you didn’t know: sandals are made so you don’t need to wear socks. Stop. You just look ridiculous.

That being said, if you’re wearing socks because your bare feet look terrifying, why not ditch the sandals entirely and go with a nice, conservative sneaker instead?

Phone Books

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Honestly, these are such a waste of paper. If you really need to get in contact with somebody, chances are you can find their number online or message them over Facebook or something.

And these days, where would you even go about finding a phone book to use?

Shag Carpets

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Nothing says ‘I still live in the ’60s’ like shag carpet. Shag carpet honestly was such a mistake, it never looked nice and feels weird on your feet. I think younger generations will be happy to pass on this trend.

And don’t even get us started on trying to keep it clean. You may as well just hire a groomer.

Visors

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Another thing that looks really, really dumb. Just get an actual hat to keep the sun out of your face. They make some pretty nice ones!

And if you happen to be balding, a visor is going to betray your secret every time…

Fuzzy Toilet Seat Covers

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These things look as gross as all the germs they collect. Not to mention, they hold odor. Please, do everyone a favor and get rid of these.

Everyone wants a luxury experience when they use the bathroom, but shag carpeting on your butt is not the way to go about it.

Records

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These are actually making a major comeback in today’s generations, and records and record players are now being sold in stores like Target and Walmart.

They might be old fashioned and a little impractical, but we’ll give this one to the baby boomers. These were pretty cool.

Not-So-Skinny Jeans

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For whatever reason, baby boomers loathe skinny jeans. (The only thing they dislike more would probably be holey jeans.) Instead, they continue to rock flared and bootcut jeans, because “everything comes back into style eventually.”

And by that logic, skinny jeans should be cool by now. It’s not like they’re anything new or revolutionary at this point.

Ironing

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It’s a given that clothes get wrinkled occasionally, but there are easier ways than wasting your time ironing. If it’s too bad, just take it to the cleaners and let them handle it.

Or wear it wrinkled if it’s not that bad. Literally, nobody actually cares anymore.

Bar Soap

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Bar soap is gross and way more tedious to deal with than liquid soap. We all know with Baby Boomers’ weak knees and hips that dropping the soap in the shower could lead to all kinds of trouble. Maybe invest in a waterproof life alert if you insist on keeping bar soap.

Or, you know, just switch to gel soap and be done with it.

Meatloaf

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As a baby boomer, odds are you grew up on meatloaf. Yes, there are some out there who still eat this, but a lot of people lean away from this relatively bland food. Not to mention, it looks gross.

And we’re not sure what the point of slathering the whole thing in ketchup is, but that just makes the whole thing look even more unappealing than it already was.

Patterned Vests

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Vests have never been cute. Patterned vests are just downright gross.

It’s wrong to judge people on what they wear, but we’ll look the other way when it comes to patterned vests.