The best of the worst science jokes

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A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, “No, I’m traveling light.”

Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.

Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, “We don’t serve noble gases here.” Argon doesn’t react.

I was going to become a polymer scientist, but didn’t because I thought the work would be too repetitive.

I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.

What does a subatomic duck say?

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium?
It went OK.

If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they’d be alloys.

The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.

How often do you like to hear jokes about elements. A: Periodically.

Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says “I think I’ll have an H2O.” The second one says “I think I’ll have an H2O too” — and he died.

Why can you never trust atoms?
They make up everything!

Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?
“You May have graduated, but I’ve got many degrees.”

What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!

Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.

Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? He’s 0K now.

I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

What element is a girl’s future best friend?

There are 10 kinds of people in this world:  those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.

The name’s Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

An infectious disease walks into a bar.  The bartender says, “We don’t serve your kind here.”  It replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”.

A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effect. Apparently he was ambidextrose.

Why are chemists great for solving problems?
They have all the solutions.

What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? A: I like your “style.”

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.

You’re so hot, you denature my proteins.

What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
Pull down its genes!

Y’all want to hear a Potassium joke?

Two atoms are walking along. One of them says:
“Oh, no, I think I lost an electron.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m positive.”

Why did I divide sin by tan?  Just cos.

A group of protesters in front of a physics lab:
“What do we want?”.
“Time travel”
“When do we want it?”.

I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”.  The bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”