Males out there, this post is for you. Females – I suppose the same rules could apply for stalls, but due to the proximity and openness of urinals, you must know that the rules for urinal etiquette listed below are strictly enforced among men. These rules are one of the pillars of society – break them, and you risk its collapse.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #1:
Never (ever) use a urinal if it means you will need to stand next to someone else. Always leave a gap of at least one empty urinal.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #2:
If you arrive at a row of urinals, and someone else is using one, always pick the urinal furthest away from that person.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #3:
If you are the first person to arrive at a row of empty urinals, use the urinal on the extreme left or right. This reduces the chance of someone being forced to stand next to you.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #4:
If there is only one urinal available, delay. Look in the mirror: adjust your shirt, comb your hair, wait for the appropriate urinal to become available. If you really, really have to go, use a stall. But remember, you must stand up when you pee, otherwise, you’re peeing like a girl.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #5:
Do not look at the person next to you, and for God’s sake, do not look at what they’re doing. A quick glance to acknowledge the presence of the person beside you is plenty.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #6:
Do not sing or whistle. Ever. You’re just making it more awkward for everyone.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #7:
Do not talk on your cell phone or your bluetooth headset. Again, very awkward.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #8:
Don’t stand too far away from the urinal, or you will risk exposing yourself. Stay close – but not too close – so that you are protected.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #9:
Do not express your relief. You may have waited several hours to go, and it might feel great to finally relieve yourself, but “oooohs” and “aaaaahs” and other grunts and groans are completely unacceptable. And creepy.
Urinal Etiquette Rule #10:
If you encounter the situation below, and all the other urinals are taken, find another washroom.