We talk a lot about doomsday and the apocalypse here on RelativelyInteresting.com. We usually poke fun at the people who make the predictions that never seem to come true. But there’s another set of people that take doomsday predictions waaaaay too seriously: doomsday preppers.
“Serious” doomsday preppers obey rule No. 1: Don’t talk about what you’re doing to prepare for the zombie apocalypse. Some preppers learn this the hard way. Here are five preppers who considered the rule, irgnored it, and then become poster boy for other preppers to learn from.
Don’t Talk to the Ex-Wife
Alfred Dutton is a military vet who had made preparations for the imminent apocalypse. Like any good prepper, Dutton stocked freeze dried food, guns, comic books, ammo and, unfortunately, illegal explosives. He discussed his preparation with his ex-wife’s boyfriend. Sure enough, within weeks, the feds were on him like fleas on a dog. The federal judge convicted him of possessing destructive devices and sentenced him to 21 months in a federal pen.
Ed Peden, a reformed hippy, bought an old Atlas missile silo in Kansas. The word is that it took Peden 25 years to figure out how to open the 47-ton door which is designed to withstand a direct nuclear hit. Peden has considered opening the silo for skateboarders to zip in and out of the launch tunnel. The rule here is that if zombies are chasing you, even though they are slow, you need to open the shelter door faster than 25 years. Try flower power, man.
Pay For Your Own Bunker, Dude
Fox News reported that a prepper stole a trailer from a lot and commenced to bury it in a big hole in the backyard. The owner of the trailer noticed it missing and followed the tracks to the prepper’s home. Police caught him operating a backhoe and scooping dirt onto the trailer. The moral of the story is don’t publicly steal your zombie shelter, dude, and then leave tracks.
Don’t Eat Iguanas
Chris Petrovich is a dedicated survivalist who has been prepping for 25 years. He has the usual assortment of food, armor, guns and bug-out bags. National Geographic tried to interview Petrovich for its “Doomsday Preppers” show. The show’s producers wanted Petrovich to kill and eat an iguana and get him filmed firing a machine gun. It’s likely that the show’s producer would have spliced the two scenes together to make it appear that Petrovich was hunting iguanas with an M1917A1. He refused. That refusal obeyed rule No. 1 for preppers and probably saved him a trip to join Dutton in a federal pen.
The Obama Bunker
President Obama is building a bunker under the White House swimming pool. Cover stories have appeared that the big hole is for an air conditioning system, a spa and a bowling alley. This, again, violates prepper rule No. 1 by broadcasting your zombie preparation plans. Nice try, Mr. President, but don’t be surprised if someone shows up to borrow a cup of sugar from your survival food stash after TSHF.
This has been a guest post by blogger Annabelle Smyth.